Let's talk about Ohio

As part of our road trip this past weekend, we had to spend a lot of time driving through Ohio. I tweeted extensively about it. I HATE OHIO. Have I mentioned that on this blog yet? No? Oh, well now you know. And if we're real-life friends, then you probably already know that. (And if we're real-life friends and you didn't know that, well, then I don't know what to tell you.)

Really, I cannot properly express how much I dislike Ohio. I suppose to be more specific, I hate driving through Ohio. I have never actually spent any significant time in Ohio, but I've spent plenty of time driving from the East coast to Indianapolis/Chicago, and Ohio happens to be in the way, both there and back.

You're probably thinking, Oh, gee, what's so bad about driving through Ohio? Well, here, let me explain.

But before I do, you should probably sit down. Ready?

Here's a map I drew freehand of the United States...in 2004. I'll wait while you let that sink in.

Done laughing? Good.

Now you see, notice where Ohio is on my map. See how it isn't even on the WAY to Indianapolis or Chicago? Sure, it's apparently wider than both Indiana and Illinois combined, but it's NOT ON THE WAY to Indianapolis.

Oh wait, except it in real life, it is. When we drove out to Indianapolis the first time, I was thinking about my own map, where Ohio is south of Indiana, and thus not an issue. So imagine my surprise when it took us 4 hours to drive through the entire state of Ohio.

And it's not just the 4 hours. It's the 4 hours plus the flat, flat terrain with nothing to look at. It's the 4 hours plus the fact that Indiana is riiiight on the other side, so close and fun! Maybe you're thinking, Jenn's just a Midwest hater. Ummm, NOT TRUE. I love the Midwest! I want to move to Indianapolis!

On the trip out, we have typically driven through the entire states of Massachusetts and New York, and on the way home, we drive through the entire states of Pennsylvania and Connecticut (in the running for the second worst state to drive through). But they all pale in comparison with the Seventh Circle of Hell that is driving through Ohio.

I mean, what's even there? We've criss-crossed the state 4 times now, and I have never seen anything of interest there. Ohio tries to make things interesting (Thomas Edison's birthplace, something about Rutherford B. Hayes), but it's just not.

You know what else baffles me about Ohio? How did it get not one, but two football teams? And not one, but two baseball teams? There are entire states (or regions, cough, New England, cough) who only got one team, but Ohio gets TWO? WHY??

Oh, and when you enter Ohio from the East, you get a dinky little highway-exit-style "Welcome to Ohio" sign. But when you enter Ohio from the West, you go under a fancy pants arch. What the hell?