10 Day You Challenge: seven wants

(ten secrets / nine loves / eight fears)

This one is definitely a challenge - the honest answer is there's simultaneously a lot of things and nothing that I want, so how do I pare it down to just seven?  Do I go material wants or "emotional" wants, for lack of a better word?

1.  Ability to let go.  Of so many things.  Material things (clothes, tchotchkes, stuff I keep "just in case").  Intangibles - emotional baggage, guilt (I still feel guilty about something I did when I was in second grade), grudges (hold these like a pro), anger, sadness, and the list goes on.  I hold on to a lot of things and there are times where it really just weighs me down, and letting go is something I really struggle with.

2.  A boat.  I've always loved the water -- swimming and diving are two things I really enjoy -- and there's just something special about being out in the open water.  We are very fortunate to have a friend who has a boat and one of my favorite summer activities is just going out and cruising (especially around the Cape).  Bonus points if my boat has room for MY HORSE.

3.  A female best friend.  Pretty sure I've already bemoaned the lack of female companionship in my life, but this is my list of wants, so I'm going to whine about it some more.  And I'm talking a real female best friend.  (And bonus points if I'm considered her best friend, too.)  I might put too much emphasis on label, but it's something that's important to me, so judge away.  Sadly, most people either already have a best friend or don't "believe" in best friends, so this ship has probably sailed.  #wahwah

4.  A Harry Allen Pig Bank.  (Way to suck the fun out of it, Harry Allen - it's a piggy bank, you snob!)  I saw these super adorable PIG banks when I was in Seattle at the beginning of this month, and I really, really want one.  They only had white ($125) and copper ($220) in the store, but there's a whole bunch of other colors online.  I wonder if I can convince Marek that we need one of every color...

5.  A yellow Camaro.  Because, duh.

6.  Slim, defined upper arms.  Not scary muscular ones, but nice toned ones.  If I can't have that, then I want pronounced collarbones.

7.  One more day with my grandparents.  Hell, I'd take one more hour, if just to tell them how much I love them and miss them every day.

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10 Day You Challenge: eight fears

(ten secrets / ten nine loves)

I have a lot of fears.  I'm generally a huge worrywart and my anxiety is crazy high.  Poor Marek has luckily learned what to expect.  Last night we were talking and I was talking about what happens in bypass surgery and then I started talking to him about varicose veins and how my doctor said I had them once but I don't think I do, but if I do, I am afraid of getting older and having ugly bulging veins on my legs, so that is why I don't cross my legs that much.  Then Marek started laughing a little, and I said, "No, no, I'm totally serious" (because I WAS) and then he started laughing even more and then said, "Oh, trust me, I know how totally serious you are."

1.  Being killed through blunt force trauma to the head.  Specifically, I have a big fear of being hit in the head with a hammer.

2.  When my dog and my parents will die.  All I have to do is start thinking about this and I start crying.  Claudius was my first real pet (sorry, Dingus, Leroy, Harry (RIP), and Eddie), and if he lives 15 years, I'll be 40 when he dies.  I can't even think about it.  And then my parents -- we're so much closer now that I'm older and I'll be truly devastated when they're gone.  I rely on them for so much that I really am afraid what it will be like when they're no longer around.  (I don't worry about this for Marek yet, because I know he's going to be around forever!!)

3.  I'll never want to have kids.  When I was in college, I wanted to get married young and have kids young.  Neither of those things have happened yet, and the longer I wait, the less I want to have children.  Growing up, I could never imagine not being a mom, but as time goes on, it keeps moving farther out of the picture.  Will I ever be ready to have kids?

4.  I'll never learn how to cope properly.  I have extremely bad methods of coping when things are going badly.  I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a huge crybaby and I am the first to admit that I have a really bad temper, but even besides that, I cope with things in a very, very unhealthy manner.  I'm not going to get into it, but it's something I've been doing for a very long time.  And coupled with #3, what if it's genetic?  what if my kids are pre-disposed to cope like I do?

5.  People truly think I'm mean (or annoying).  I am a total judger/hater/whatever you want to call it, and I say plenty of mean things (who doesn't?).  I think my entire life I've met only a couple of genuinely nice people who can't really say bad things about anyone.  And while I'm not one of those people, the truth is that I am afraid that people think I actually am a mean person at heart because of the comments I make -- because I'm not.  Honest.  (And as for the annoying part...it was something I was called in high school and is serious baggage I have dragged around with me since.  I'm always on edge, being overly concerned with not wanting to annoy people -- family, friends, co-workers, strangers, anyone.)

6.  Gaining weight.  Between the end of high school and the end of college, I gained in the neighborhood of 40-50 pounds.  I managed to lose 30 pounds by cutting soda and alcohol out of my diet and eating breakfast every day, but I live in constant fear of even a little weight gain.  When we moved to NYC, I lost ten pounds through the sheer stress of the whole process alone, and I've managed to gain most of back.  I freak out by the tiniest upward movement on the scale, and refuse to get rid of my "fat" pants for fear of gaining all that weight back.  I lost all that weight over five years ago, and I still dress as if I were 10-20 pounds heavier.

7.  Having no "real" friends.  I love social media (hello, spilling my guts here on the blog), but I also hate in that - in my opinion - it has blurred the lines of friendship.  Sometimes in a good way, and sometimes in a bad way.  I have enough things I struggle with friend-wise (which doesn't seem to make sense, since isn't that kind of the opposite point of having friends?), but one thing I keep coming back to over and over again is wondering who my "real" friends are?  And what if, in the end, I don't have any "real" friends?

8.  Not being financially stable.  I can't complain about my financial situation - I have a good job, a place to live, food to eat, can pay my bills, etc.  But I've never been good with money and I'm a horrible saver (I've tried, really, I have).  As I get older, I'm reminded more and more of the fact that I should be more fiscally responsible (hello, dropping who knows how much money to go to Colts games all fall and HELLO, Peyton Manning isn't even playing, although it's not like I knew that when I bought the tickets), but I wonder when I will ever get to where I want to be -- and sometimes I'm afraid that I never will.

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10 Day You Challenge: nine loves

(If you missed the first one, ten secrets, hop on over here to read it.)

For all the whining and complaining I do, this list was really hard to put together.  I could easily tell you nine things I don't love, but coming up with only nine things that I really love (that weren't people) was challenging.

On the other hand, if you've ever read my bio on Twitter, then you probably already know everything that's going to be on this list - it just might be in a different order.

1.  Linguistics.  When I applied to university, I was fully intent on being an English major - an English teacher, in fact.  However, Jefferson Harris and all his 2-page papers about every single thing we read (no matter how short) quickly sucked all the fun out of being an English major for me.  I stumbled upon a linguistics course my sophomore year - I went to a couple classes and dropped it, but gave it another chance, with another instructor, the next semester, and I was totally hooked.  Linguistics is -- huge nerd alert -- one of my real true passions in life.  It's something I genuinely love and find incredibly interesting.  (Seriously - ask me about aspirated stops in English vs. Spanish and I'll talk your ear off for about an hour.)  A secret I left off my list of secrets?  I'd love to go back to school and get my doctorate in linguistics.

2.  Colts (football in general).  Fall is my favorite season - not just because of the cool, crisp weather and pretty foliage (at least where I used to live) - but because it's also football season.  I love spending Sundays in sweatpants, hanging around on the couch, and watching football games all day long.  Equally fun is traveling to watch the games live!  (Not as fun: blowing your entire travel "budget" (what budget??) on Colts game tickets before the season starts only to find out that your favorite player is out for the season.)


3.  Books.  My dream in life is to have a house with a Beauty and the Beast-style library.  But I'll settle for a study/library in my house with built-in shelves to keep all my books...and I have a lot.  I know the Kindle and e-readers and iPads are the wave of the future (or of now?), and yes, they are very convenient, but give me a real book any day.  One of the hardest parts about moving to New York was deciding which books would have to stay behind.  But of course I'm still growing my collection even if the bookpile is getting precariously tall.

4.  History, especially European.  I love European history.  My very particular area of interest is in the British monarchy and in fact, my work study in college was working on a project with a professor on the regicides of King Charles I (another nerd alert!).  My Christmas list last year was pretty much all European history books.  Other topics I find interesting: World War I, the Age of Polar Exploration,

5.  Transformers.  This one is a big huge DUH (or should be, anyway).  I don't even know how many times I've seen the first one (probably over 40 or 50 times at this point), I'm probably one of the only people who doesn't hate the second one, and I saw the third one in the theater six times.

6.  Root beer.  I bring root beer to parties.  And if I'm in the mood for soda and there's root beer on the menu?  I pretty much always order it.  The only brand of root beer that I don't really like is A&W, and I don't think I like Stewart's that much (but I don't remember the last time I had it, so it's entirely possible that I do).  My favorite root beer is probably Virgil's, but I can always go for a Barq's, IBC, and pretty much any micro/craft brew.

7.  Travelling.  My dream job would be one where I get to travel all the time...to fun places.  (I travel for my job now, but the places I go aren't exactly super fun.)  I love taking road trips, and I've been lucky enough to have the luxury to drive from Massachusetts to Indianapolis a few times and to Florida once.  As fast as flying is, I actually prefer road trips because I think it's a great way to see things and travel on your own terms.

Confession: Marek gave me the last three.  I asked him that if he had to name the Top 5 non-people things I love, what would he list.  Out of his list, two matched what I already had, and here's the other three.  (Since I can't pick myself anyway.)

8.  Ditch Plains.  Quite possibly my favorite restaurant (of the moment, because it's always changing).  Poor Marek does not like this restaurant nearly as much as I do ("There's nothing on the menu", wah wah), but whenever it's my choice to pick where we should go to eat, I pretty much always want to go to Ditch Plains (or Landmarc, but I like Ditch Plains better).  And I always get pretty much the same thing: Cheddar & Jalapeno Tater Tots, the Mixed Greens salad (dressing is so yummy), and a Mint Ditch 'Wich.  Sometimes I get the Skirt Steak which is also really good.

9.  Law & Order: SVU.  It took me a long time to start watching primetime television again (thanks a LOT, CSI), but I really like Law & Order: SVU.  I've liked Law & Order since I was in high school (thanks, Mr. Mullen!), and thanks to many months working from home and tuning into the SVU 12-hour Tuesday marathon on USA, it's definitely one of my favorite shows.  Of course, Stabler's gone now (boo hoo), and it seems like Benson's departure is imminent, but the new detectives aren't so bad and they're doing a good job getting them more involved in the show.

10.  Snuggling with the pup.  Pretty much my favorite thing ever.  Snuggling with my doggie makes everything better.  EVERYTHING.  (Except when he farts in my face.)

Edit: Tanya pointed out that I was only supposed to do nine of these, not ten.  But I don't know which one to take off!  I suppose Law & Order: SVU will have to go.

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10 Day You Challenge: ten secrets

(I stole this from my girl Tanya over at Sassynerd.)

(Oh, and before I continue, go check out Marek's blog, where he is recapping his hike of Mt. Kilimanjaro!! - Some Hiker Guy.  Here's hoping he likes that blog better than this one... since he still has not made an appearance here yet.)

Okay, so here we go.  Not really sure what constitutes a secret, and contrary to my interwebs presence, I do like to maintain a bit of privacy.  But anyway...

1.  I'm kind of a hoarder.  Favorite things to hoard are clothes, stationary, and office supplies.
2.  My favorite color is not pink.
3.  Despite being a major book lover, I don't like used books.  As an undergraduate, I never bought a single used book.  As a graduate, I bought a used book once - because it was the only one available.
4.  I'm really, really shy.  (People don't seem to believe this one.)
5.  I have very little interest in meeting my birthparents.
6.  I believe that God made both humans and the earth.
7.  I still sleep with a stuffed animal...or five.
8.  I don't really like to share my stuff.  Even with Marek.
9.  My psychiatrist told me that he had never come across anything like my OCD compulsion before.
10.  I don't unpack my suitcase in hotels.  I'm too paranoid about leaving something behind.

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